I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize