Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
