Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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