So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
