I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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