My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
