you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
