I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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