I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize