Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
