I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
