in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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