i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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