Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
