i just google imaged poop.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize