This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
