It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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