brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
