I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
