I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
