Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How does it feel to date your dad?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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