I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
