That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
