Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
