Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize