Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
