I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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