Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
