Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
