we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
