So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
