Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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