Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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