Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
