I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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