You work out of a Hotel?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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