I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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