im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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