You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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