He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
