Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize