I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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