just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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