Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
