i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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