Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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