I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
