I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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