mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
