let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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