She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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