even my farts smell like vagina
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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