i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
