Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
