Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My life is pants optional.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
