He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
