everyone is single if you try hard enough
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
