You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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