so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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