What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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