I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
