I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
