Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
