I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
